“簡潔”是有客觀標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的。雖然西方國家的作者之間在怎樣用詞才算“簡潔”方面還是有爭論的，不過他們的一些看法還是有一定參考價(jià)值的。
現(xiàn)在把他們所做的某些詞句的“不簡潔”的比較列在下面做參考：
不簡潔 簡潔
enclosed herewith enclosed
enclosed you will find enclosed is
please be advised that (four wasted words)
please don''t hesitate to call upon us please write us
please feel free to write prior to please write before
this is to advise you (five wasted words)
under separate cover separately
a long period of time a long time
continuous and uninterrupted continuous (or uninterrupted)
during the year of 1971 during 1971
endorse on the back of this check endorse this check
for a price of $300 for $300
grateful and appreciative grateful(or: appreciative)
immediately and at once immediately (or: at once)
in(for) the moment of $400 For $400
in the city of Chicago in Chicago
according to our records we find
at this time now
due to the fact that because
during the time that while
for the purpose of for, to
for the reason that since(or; because)
下面是某些作者認(rèn)為“應(yīng)該用”和“不應(yīng)該用”的：
不應(yīng)該用 應(yīng)該用
Averting to your favor Referring to your letter
Re (your letter) or
The writer wishes to acknowledge Thank you for your letter
We are in receipt of We have received
We beg to acknowledge We are writing to inform you
We have to acknowledge
We beg to inform you
We beg to thank you We thank you
Your letter to hand We have received your letter
Yours to hand
博雅翻譯社
怎樣才能使商業(yè)書信“簡潔”？ 西方國家作者有很多建議，先介紹如下：
博雅翻譯社
�。ㄒ唬┍苊馐褂藐惻f的商業(yè)術(shù)語
陳舊的與傳統(tǒng)的商業(yè)術(shù)語（Commercial jargon）對信的內(nèi)容沒有什么作用，應(yīng)該避免使用。
例一：
Wordy: We wish to acknowledge receipt of your letter of November 14 with the check for Stg.10 enclosed and wish to thank you for same.
Concise: We appreciate your letter of November 14 and the check for Stg. 10 you sent with it.
例二：
Wordy: We take liberty to approach you with the request that you would be kind enough to introduce to us some exporters of cotton textiles in your cities.
Would you please introduce to us some exporters of cotton textiles in your city?
Concise: (a) Please introduce to us some exporters of cotton textiles in your city.
(b)Would you please introduce to us some exporters of cotton textiles in your city.
�。ǘ┮L話短說，避免羅嗦
通常商業(yè)人士每天需要閱讀大量的書信，對開門見山，長話短說，直接切題的信特別歡迎。因此，寫信要力求長話短說，例如：
不要寫 應(yīng)寫作
Please see that an enquiry is conducted to determine the reason. Please find out the reason.
We express our regret at being unable to fulfil your order on this occasion. We are sorry we cannot meet your present order.
要使用簡潔的語言，有可能的話，盡量使用單詞來代替某些嬌柔做作的短語如：
Will you be good enough to-----------------------------Please
Come to a decision----------------------------------------decide
Express a preference for---------------------------------prefer
For the reason that----------------------------------------because
刪去不必要的形容詞，如下列句子中的形容詞或副詞刪去后并不影響句子的原意：
The proposal is under (active) consideration.
The answer is (definitely) correct.
I would (rather) think the fare is too high.
The (true) facts are as stated
�。ㄈ┮⒁饷烤渚渥拥拈L短
例如：
"We would like to know whether you would allow us to extend the time of shipment for twenty days, and if you would be so kind as to allow us to do so, kindly give us your reply by cable without delay."
這句話過分“客氣”，使句子過長而不清楚。內(nèi)容要求對方同意延期交貨20天，一般情況下，應(yīng)盡可能提出延期到那一天的具體日期。這句話可壓縮為：
Please reply by telegram immediately if you will allow us to delay the shipment until April 21."(如同意我們把交貨延期到四月二十一日，請電復(fù)。)
有的作者為了使人們記住避免使用陳舊的商業(yè)術(shù)語，專門選擇了一些他認(rèn)為陳舊的商業(yè)術(shù)語搞成一首詩：
We beg to advise and wish to state
That yours has arrived of recent date.
We have it before us, its contents noted;
Herewith enclosed are the prices we quoted.
Attached please find, as per your request,
The data you wanted; and not let us suggest
Your order be sent, and not held unduly,
We beg to remain, yours most truly.
Courtesy譯成“禮貌”。但是根據(jù)西方國家函電書籍作者普遍的看法，所謂Courtesy是“客氣而又體諒人”的意思。有的人還把Courtesy和Politeness這兩個(gè)同義詞做了比較，認(rèn)為：Politeness的客氣只是表現(xiàn)在文章的語句上，而Courtesy則表現(xiàn)在對對方的“體諒”，例如：
博雅翻譯社
Polite
a) We have received with many thanks your letter of Oct.7, and we take the pleasure of sending you latest catalog. We wish to draw your attention to a special offer, which we have made in it.
Courtesy
b) You will be particularly interested in a special offer on page 5 of the latest catalog enclosed, which you requested in your letter of Oct. 7.
怎樣通過各種語言形式來表達(dá)Courtesy呢？這樣的形式很多，現(xiàn)在提供一些常見的供參考：
博雅翻譯社
�。ㄒ唬� 把命令變成請求的常用形式：
Please, Will you…….., Will you please……..,如：
a) Will you give us more detailed information on your requirement?
b) Will you please (kindly) let us hear from you on these two points?
�。ǘ� 虛擬式（Past Subjunctive From）如：
a) Would you compare our sample with the goods of other firms?
b) We would ask you to ship the goods by the first available vessel.
c) We wish you would let us have your reply soon.
d) This would seem to confirm our opinion.
e) We should be grateful if you would help us with your suggestion.
f) We think if advisable that you should accept this offer at this price.
g) We should(would) like you to let us know the exact amount.
h) Perhaps you might like to have a look at the actual goods.
i) We might be of some service to you in a similar case.
以上的b, f, g, 也可用 will, shall, may, 但是用Past Subjunctive Form則表示更客氣和婉轉(zhuǎn)些。
博雅翻譯社
�。ㄈ� 緩和用法（Mitigation）
為了緩和過分強(qiáng)調(diào)或刺激對方，常用:We are afraid, we would say, we may(or, might) say, we(would) think, it seems(or would seem) to us, we(would) suggest, as you are (or: may be) aware, as we need hardly point out等等表達(dá)法來緩和語氣，如：
a) It was unwise of you to have done that.
We would say that it was unwise of you to have done that.
b) You ought to have done it.
It seems to us that you ought to have done it.
c) We cannot comply with your request.
We are afraid we cannot comply with your request.
d) Our products are the very best on the market.
We might say that our products are the very best on the market.
e) You must keep the matter to yourselves.
You must, we would add, keep the matter to yourselves.
f) You must cut off your order in half
We would suggest that you cut your order in half.
g) We have not yet had your reply.
It appears that we have not yet had your reply.
（四） 運(yùn)用被動(dòng)語氣
博雅翻譯社
有時(shí)，運(yùn)用被動(dòng)語氣，比主動(dòng)語氣客氣，如：
a) You made a very careless mistake.
A very careless mistake was made
b) You did not enclose the check with your order.
The check was not enclosed with your order.
c) For the past two years, you did not give us any order.
For the past two years, no order has been given us. Or:
For the past two years, no business has been materialized between us.
�。ㄎ澹”苊猓ɑ蛄幈苊猓┦褂谜Z氣強(qiáng)烈或容易引起不快的詞匯
a) we demand immediate payment from you
demand的意思是ask for(sth) as if ordering, or as if one has a right to, 即帶有命令意味的要求。應(yīng)盡可能避免使用demand而改用request如：
We request your immediate payment.
b) We are disgusted with your manner of doing business.
disguste意味hate而且有strong feeling of dislike or distasted, 既“厭惡”的意思， 因此，還是婉轉(zhuǎn)或含蓄一些為宜，如：
We are not completely satisfied with your manner of doing business.
c) We must refuse your offer.
Must………帶有威脅性的意味（minatory tone），不如改為：
博雅翻譯社
We regret that we are unable to accept your offer.
Or: We regret that we are not in a position to accept your offer.
d) We want you to assist us
帶有傲慢或長者的口吻（superior tone），不如改為：
Your assistance would be appreciated.
�。∈褂酶吲d，遺憾，感謝等詞匯及表達(dá)法
(1)、 We have pleasure of -ing…….
We have pleasure in -ing…….
It is with pleasure that we do so
It gives us(great, much) pleasure to do so
We are pleased for us to do so
It''s a pleasure for us to do so.
We are glad(or: delighted) that you do so
We shall gladly do so
We shall feel happy if you will do so
We are happy to do so
(2) 、表示感謝的表達(dá)法有：
博雅翻譯社
We are (very, most) appreciative of your doing so
We are gratified to learn that you do so
We shall be (or: feel) obliged by your doing so
We shall be obliged if you will do so
You will oblige us by doing so
We shall be grateful to you if you will do so
We shall appreciate your doing so
We shall appreciate it if you will do so
We shall thank you to do so
It will be appreciated if…….
We are thankful that you do so
(3)、表示遺憾的表達(dá)法有：
四川英語翻譯公司
It is a matter for regret that we cannot do so
It is with regret that we must do so
We express our regret at -ing…..
To our regret we cannot do so
It is regrettable that we must do so
We regret that we cannot do so
We regret to do so
It is to be regretted that you do so
We are regretful that we must do so
It is a pity that you cannot do so
We are sorry we cannot do so
We are sorry to do so
四川英語翻譯公司
注：以上的表達(dá)法只是常用的一部分。
寫信要做到Courtesy，但要注意
(1)、不要使用已經(jīng)過時(shí)的毫無意義的老套子，如：
our esteemed clients;
your esteemed letter;
your respectable house;
your good self(or good selves);
your valued order;
your esteemed reply等等
(2)、要分清“禮貌”與“卑恭”的界限，如：
(a) We are extremely and sincerely sorry for the error and ask that you accept our humble and sincere apology for the undue inconvenience suffered by you.
(b)We beg to acknowledge receipt of your letter dated 11th December.
(c) We beg to enclose herewith our invoice.
這三例不是“禮貌”，而是“卑恭”。寫商業(yè)書信既不要盛氣凌人，也沒有必要低三下四，更應(yīng)該注意在商業(yè)信中把we beg一類的表達(dá)法完全去掉。
以上三例可考慮改為：
(a) We are concerned about the inconvenience you have suffered, and apologize sincerely.
(b) We have received your letter od Dec. 11.
(c) We enclose(herewith) our Invoice.
Or: We are pleased to enclose our Invoice.
四川英語翻譯公司
Consideration(體諒)，就是顧及他人的要求，愿望，感情等等。現(xiàn)在西方國家的商人強(qiáng)調(diào)“多為顧客著想”。不少西方國家的作者，非常重視寫信的態(tài)度問題，他們認(rèn)為“體諒”就是采取收信人的態(tài)度（ＹourＡttitude），就是寫信時(shí)要“目中有人”，要把收信人放在心上，考慮他的愿望，問題，背景，感情和對此信所可能作出的反應(yīng)等等，然后從“他”的觀點(diǎn)出發(fā)來處理事情。
有人還這樣說：“要記住b-u-s-i-n-e-s-s(業(yè)務(wù)，買賣)這個(gè)字里有u和i，但u（與You同音）在i之前。這是你要記住的次序�！�
四川英語翻譯公司
"Remember that the word b-u-s-i-n-e-s-s contains both U and I, but the U comes beforethe I. This is a good sequence for you to remember.
與“收信人的態(tài)度”We attitude）相反的是“寫信人的態(tài)度”（you attitude），也就是一切事情都是從寫信人或是他所代表的單位的立場出發(fā)看問題和處理問題�，F(xiàn)舉例比較如下：
"We attitude" "You attitude"
We allow 2 percent discount for cash payment You earn 2 percent discount when you pay cash
（如付現(xiàn)款，我們給九八折。） (您付現(xiàn)款時(shí)，可打九八折。）
We are pleased to announce that ………… You will be pleased to know that…………
（我們高興地宣布。。。） （你們將愉快地得知。。。）
We want you to do it. You will no doubt do it
（我們要你們這樣做。） （毫無疑問，你們將這樣做。）
We follow this policy, because ……. You will benefit from this policy, because…..
（我們遵循這個(gè)政策，因?yàn)�。。。�?（你們將從這個(gè)政策中得益，因?yàn)椤�。。�?BR>We sold 4,000doz. Handkerchiefs of this description last month. You and other importers like you bought 4,000 doz. Handkerchiefs of this description last month.
（上個(gè)月我們賣出4000打這種規(guī)格的手絹。） （上個(gè)月你們和其他同行進(jìn)口商買進(jìn)了4000打這種規(guī)格的手絹。）四川英語翻譯公司
實(shí)例解說：
1、The ABC Co. is one of our big buyers
(ABC 公司是我們的大買主之一。)
四川英語翻譯公司
這句話如果是用來答復(fù)對ABC公司的資信的調(diào)查的，就不具體，因?yàn)椤按筚I主之一”究竟大到什么程度，不明確，因此最好改為：
The ABC Co. placed U.S.$150,000.00 worth of business with us last year.
(ABC公司去年與我公司做了15萬美元的業(yè)務(wù)。)
2、These brakes stop a car within a short distance.
(這些制動(dòng)器在短距離內(nèi)能把車剎住)
這是介紹商品性能的，很不具體。如在“短距離”內(nèi)是多大的距離，是什么樣的制動(dòng)器，能制動(dòng)什么樣的車，等等。最好介紹得具體，便于人們選購。該句可改為：
These Type XYZOI power brakes stop a 2.5-ton car traveling 70 miles an hour, within 250 feet.
3、We wish to confirm our telegram dispatched yesterday.
(我們確認(rèn)昨日打出電報(bào))
四川英語翻譯公司
在商業(yè)信中確認(rèn)發(fā)出的電報(bào)，信件等的時(shí)間，最好具體說名X月X日，盡量避免使用yesterday(昨日)，today（今日）一類籠統(tǒng)的詞匯，所以上述這句話最好改為：
We confirm our telegram of January 16.
(我們確認(rèn)我們一月十六日電報(bào))
四川英語翻譯公司
